We are constantly dealing with issues, problems and struggles. Who is to blame and who should sort them out?
"Traffic is outrageous! Council should work on infrastructure!"
"My partner is constantly getting on my nerves by leaving the toothpaste without a lid! He needs to learn how to do things right."
"School is stressful. Someone should make some major changes!"
"My children, although adults, still ask me for money. They have to grow up!"
There are so many circumstances and so many things need to change, for us to be happy. Or at least content. So many people, institutions, situations need to do something, in order for us to be able to relax and take it easy. 
Right?
Well... wrong!
If you have people in your life who should do something in order for you to be ok, please do this:
1. Take a few envelopes and a few pieces of paper.
2. Write every single problem on separate pieces of paper. Give a solution and label the envelope. E.g. "Traffic is outrageous!" - Solution: Council should work on infrastructure. Label: Council
Other labels:School, Partner, Daughter, Friend, France and so on.
Create an envelope with "My own problems" label and write down what you feel about yourself and  some possible solutions or desires that you would be able to or wish to sort out on your own. 
3. Put the issues inside their labeled envelopes. 
4. Put all envelopes on one pile and the one with "My own problems" separate. Shred every single envelope and keep "My own problem". Take the written piece out and place it somewhere visible and work on it until all your issues have been crossed out. It could take a while, but it is worth it.

You may wonder why go to the trouble of writing and labelling if in the end we shred them. There are a few valid reasons:
- You will identify who should solve those problems by labelling them correctly. It is not in your power to sort them out. Let them go. Free your mind, your life, of negative thoughts that will use your energy and make you feel miserable.
- You will understand that you cannot solve other people's problems. Those are their problems, not yours.
- It will be hard to let go of things you have been complaining about for such a long time. They became your second nature, the reason you constantly have something to complain about. But you should finally understand that they are not in your ability to be changed or solved. 
- And finally, the most important: YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON YOU CAN CHANGE! We cannot change people. They will change if and when they will find fit to change. For every individual change is a process and it happens only from within. 
When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at will change. E.g. if I change from hating my boss into seeing him as someone who is helping me, who gives me a chance to prove myself, I will see him differently. His behaviour will change because mine changed. It will be a domino effect and the world around me will change at the same time with my ability to live my own reality instead of reacting to the existing one. I will change from the old "cause and effect" to "causing an effect".  
Please, don't waste time thinking and creating scenarios on how to solve other people's problems. It's a waste of your valuable time. Irreversible time.
Instead, create your own reality, live your own dreams. Believe in yourself and your power to manifest your desires!
Create your own beautiful YOUniverse!
​Love and be loved!

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How do YOU define yourself? How do we define ourselves? 
Are we someone's girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, mother... and so on? Can we define ourselves other than being attached to someone else? Could we be something else but someone's extension?
"I am nothing without her..." 
Or it could be "without him". 
Could we possibly be nothing?!  Definitely not. Then why is it that people feel torn apart, reduced to nothingness when they are being left?  Why do they feel empty after the one they entrusted their heart to, left and forgot to return to sender that broken heart?  
The answer is to be found individually, but there is a common denominator in all these situations - attachment issues.
What is an attachment disorder and what are the symptoms? 
Difficulties to form secure relationships as an adult have strong echoes in childhood and this is in most cases a sign of attachment issues. A child with insecure parent/parents will carry the insecurity in his/her future relationships. An adult who feels insecure with the partner or feels rejected by others, will develop a tendency to reject others and if in a relationship to reject the partner or on the other end of the spectrum become clingy. 
Attachment issues are often transmitted generationally. As a parent, an insecurely attached adult may lack the ability to form a strong attachment to their child and provide the necessary attachment cues required for the healthy emotional development of the child thereby predisposing their child to a lifetime of relationship difficulties. 
It will then turn into a behaviour that could be separated by symptoms in these categories; Avoidant and Anxious. 
How to recognize an attachment disorder? At least half of the symptoms should be present in someone's behaviour to be able to fit that person into one of the attachment styles that are causing distress and dysfunctional relationships. 

AVOIDANT
Intense anger and loss
Hostile 
Critical of others
Sensitive to blame
Lack of empathy
Views others as untrustworthy
Views others as undependable
Views self as unlovable or "too good" for others
Relationships feel either threatening to one's sense of control, not worth the effort, or both
Compulsive self-reliance
Passive withdrawal
Low levels of perceived support
Difficulty getting along with co-workers, often preferring to work alone
Work may provide a good excuse to avoid personal relations
Fear of closeness in relationships
Avoidance of intimacy
Unlikely to idealize the love relationship
Tendency toward depression (self critical)

ANXIOUS
Compulsive Care giving
Feel over-involved and under-appreciated
Rapid relationship breakups
Idealizing of others
Strong desire for partner to reciprocate in relationship
Desire for extensive contact and declarations of affections
Over-invests his/her emotions in a relationship
Perceives relationships as imbalanced
Relationship is idealized
Preoccupation with relationship
Dependence on relationship
Heavy reliance on partner
Views partner as desirable but unpredictable (sometimes available, sometimes not)
Perceives others as difficult to understand
Relationship is primary method by which one can experience a sense of security
Unlikely to view others as altruistic
Sensitive to rejection
Discomfort with anger
Extreme emotions
Jealous
Possessive
Views self as unlovable
Suicide attempts
Mood swings
Tendency toward analytic depression (dependent depression)

There is another category where people with some sort of trauma have developed a different attachment which could be a mix of the previous two. It is called Fearful-Avoidant. 
They tend to want relationships but are at the same time quite fearful of them because people in their pasts have been both nurturing and abusive.  They are more reactive to disruptions to the connection, real or imagined, and can protest dramatically.  They may alternate between withdrawal and anxious rumination. 


Do you recognize yourself in one of these categories? Are you so afraid of being abandoned that you accept more than you could possibly think? Are you panicking at the thought of being alone? Is your heart racing  at the thought of being rejected? 
Help yourself by making an appointment and let's start talking about it. Then we can plan for a strategy on how to get rid of negative feelings like this.

"For as long as I can remember, I felt like I was drifting away, and no one could understand why? I seemed to be a successful woman, smart, beautiful, and no financial worries.
But my "anchor" was missing. Nothing kept me together, and nothing made me content. 
Until one day... when I met my therapist. And that was the first step of a long journey, a journey that totally changed me. Forever.
If you feel like this, even slightly, don't hesitate... see a therapist! It is worth it! It will save you years of questioning your feelings, emotions, thoughts, all coming to undermine and destroy the inner person, one time a happy, smiling person."